Spending my time back home, I came across this old journal of mine. Flipping the tattered pages and crunching all the words that was written there made me smile and dumbfounded. Reason being most of the names are coded. Afraid that my siblings will get their hands on it and used the information against me, I put codename to some persons and while reading it now , even I, cannot decode it. Apart from all that events and incidents that took place day-to-day, my journal contains lyrics of the songs I loved, poems I made, poems I copied, list of movies I watched and quotes that I scribbled down simply because it has struck a chord. This is the only journal that I had, the only diary that I follow through with my daily activities and emotions, the next year I attempted to do it again but it was futile. Pages of that journal are blank and neglected.
I should have kept a yearly journal. I should have forced myself to jot down every thought, every sad and exciting moment of my life. Describe in details who I met, who touched my life and those who simply just pass me by. Though reading it in the future (now), would mean the emotion are meaningless or reduced, though reading it will just makes me dumbfounded or confused. Still, I should have at least captured every moment and took the time to just note it.
Excerpts from my journal… words have lost their meaning and all that i am left with are distant memories and echoes in the wind..
What matters most in life
In your mind you keep asking why
You know you ask too many questions
We’ve only in a borrowed time
And for me you don’t have to know all the reasons
What matters most in life isn’t why
But simple things like when one holds your hands
When you’re assured that there’s someone who cares
Who makes you feel special in so many ways
Why do we keep wanting for more in life?
And we keep looking but we dont know what to find
We have so much but are never content
We cant explain the emptiness we have inside
Lonely and lost are what we feel sometimes
Feeling incomplete we just cant understand
Why we want to have something’s not meant for us?
Why we have to love what never cant be ours?
What matters most in this life isnt why
Just live your life, give the best that you can
Somewhere along the way we’ll find in time
We can feel complete without asking why.